I find myself often thinking about the need to record this time. What we are living through is historic and we don't yet know the lasting impacts of this global pandemic that is COVID-19. I find myself vacillating between fear & anxiety & calm & resignation & frustration & purpose & hope multiple times throughout each day, perhaps fueled by the checking of the news or the scrolling of Facebook & Twitter. I am doing my best to train my brain to take each day as it comes & not think too far in the future. I feel a ferocious desire to get my daughters' adoption finalized so that their future is not uncertain, should the worst happen to me. I am blown away by all of the good that I see in our Manhattan, KS community. I am grateful for the extra time with my daughters. I miss hugging my friends. I wish I was with my family. These are the things that have looped through my head each day for the past week.
A couple of weeks ago, COVID-19 was still very abstract in my mind. I knew it was a big deal in China & Europe & that it would have some impact on my life in the coming months, but my focus at that point was if or how it would impact the travel I had coming up in the spring & early summer. A friend texted me on Thursday evening, March 12 and asked, "Do you think Manhattan will extend break for schools?" My response was, "I will be surprised if they do at this point." By the next morning, my tune had changed. I sent her a text that said, "Changed my mind. I think they're going to close school next week." That day, they announced that school would be closed until March 30.
From there, my boss told us to gather what we needed to work from home the next week. It was surreal. I remember still having a hard time believing that this would last more than a couple of weeks. The girls both had overnight plans with friends and I let them go, heading to the grocery store after I dropped them off to re-stock our fridge. I began to read articles about COVID-19 in earnest and began to make plans for social distancing.
By March 18, Kansas Governor Laura Kelly closed all schools through the end of the school year and in the days since more restrictions have followed. It was a decision that broke my heart, but that I am deeply supportive of. It broke my heart that Dana, my 6th grader, is finished with elementary school, just like that. It broke my heart that my little social butterfly, Kentania, won't get to spend time with her friends every day. It broke my heart, and continues to break my heart, for the kids who are living in abusive or unsafe homes who have lost the safety net of school. It broke my heart for my friends who are small business owners who are trying to figure out how to stay afloat. It broke my heart for the people who don't have the option to work from home and have to figure out childcare or lose their income. It broke my heart for the people who have been and will be laid off or have their hours cut because of all of this.
And I know that we haven't seen the worst of it yet. At this point, a "shelter in place" order is not a matter of if, but when. The day will come when someone I love (or me? my kids?) contracts the virus. Then there will be more. This will get worse, maybe much worse, before it gets better.
But it will get better.
We will make it to the other side - bruised & bloodied to be sure; grieving & mourning - but ready to join hands & rebuild. To find normalcy again. To take what we learn in this trial to love our neighbors better. With a deeper trust in God & good & each other.
All my love,
emily
*If you are not yet practicing social distancing & staying home as much as humanly possible - THIS IS THE TIME.*
