Rest, or lack thereof

Recently, I'm having a hard time resting. Even when I get home from work and have nothing left on the schedule for the day, I find myself working. Or my mind won't shut down. Or I remember something I forgot that day. It's exhausting. It's also not typical of me. 

I'm usually pretty great at relaxing. Watch 3 hours of Parks and Rec? OK! Read an entire book in one weekend? Duh! Sleep in til 10 am on a Saturday? Done. But not these days. 

And it's not a good thing. It means that when I'm actually at work, I'm tired. I took a few high school girls down to Westport this afternoon to get tea and shop and I was so tired. I tried to be fun and engaging and hopefully I succeeded most of the time, but I don't want to have to try at that. I love those girls. That part of my job is my absolute favorite and I squandered it today, internally anyway.

I've got to find a better way. I need to put my trust in Jesus. To rest in His promise that He loves me every day, all day, the same. He loves me if I forget to send an e-mail to a parent. He loves me if I don't get everything done in a day. He loves me in my confusion and in my anxiety. He loves me when I'm not trusting Him. 

John 14:27:  ^"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid." 

Peace.

taking a breath

it may not have been great timing for me to start my blog right before the busiest season of the year. i've neglected this thing. but now i have room to take a breath. the last month has been very busy. full of good things. it has also been exhausting. i'm thankful for the next two days where there is nothing on my calendar except going to the pool with my sis.

some things i've learned/been reminded of this past month:

- God is much bigger than i am. his plans are different than mine. surprising. scary. and beautiful.

- the people who work at Christ Church are incredible. i got to be reminded of that on our staff retreat at the beginning of the month. i dare you to find a group of people more hilarious, dedicated, or intent on doing God's will.

- babies are the best. my friends grace and eric had baby theodore on june 7. he's seriously the best.

- God doesn't care how old you are. he wants to use you now. i saw this on our middle school mission trip last week. those kids worked hard. they loved others well. i am proud of them and excited to see how God keeps using them. God also used one of the high school students on our student leadership team to give me a word from Him that was incredibly timely and encouraging - this 15 year old young woman had the depth to listen to God and then the courage to share what He said. blown away.

- i need 8 hours of sleep every night. that's still true. waiting for the day when it isn't.

i don't even have any pictures to spice this thing up.

i'm hosting community dinner on sunday. and making homemade pizza. i'll try to remember to document that and share it.

peace.

the nephs and other things: the week in photos

I told you when my nephews visited there'd be photos. Just following through. There've been other things too. A scavenger hunt. A retreat. Some tie-dye. This is my past couple of weeks. (severe headache and exhaustion not photoed)

 You guys. He's the cutest. Look at him. This is luke, almost 3.

 So is he. I mean. Woah. James, age 5.

 Watching this crazy thunderstorm with Daddy (my bro, Andrew).

 He thinks it's hilarious to pretend to sleep. It is. It's also adorable. 

 Then I tore myself away from my nephews for a wonderful retreat with our Student Leadership Team. These people are legit and I love them. And so does Jesus.

 This is our summer staffer, Clayton. He's legit too. And a Whitefield grad, so, love that.

 Then back to my nephs. This is tired aunty. But no other place I'd rather be.

Maybe Hawaii. JK.

 Holding him is my favorite.

 Silliness.

 The brothers melt my heart.

 Bedtime story. I'm going to be sad when Luke doesn't need a paci anymore for bedtime.

 This is Luke running away from me at the Nelson. Don't worry. I caught him. We laughed.

 These boys grocery shop like pros. I bought them cake-pops and chocolate milk. Their parents were THRILLED. 

 Then my sweet friend Klarisa had baby Malachi. I'm his godmother and so in love with him already. I'm not called the crazy baby lady for no reason, folks.

 Then Student Life went on a scavenger hunt at the Legends. Love these troublemakers. 

 Love this troublemaker most of all.

 Sweet baby James. I don't get to call him baby to his face anymore, but I do it anyway.

 Sweetest trouble you'll ever meet.

 This kid is brave and good like you won't believe.

 Then we tie-dyed with some middle school girls.

Love them.

Life is crazy and it's good. Jesus is better.

Jesus is Enough, fo realz though

The summer is crazy in my job. Crazy. But so fun. Since I work with middle and high school students who GET TO HAVE A SUMMER (seriously, isn't it the best?), we take advantage of that. We take advantage of the fact that they're not in school and that their schedules are less crazy (sometimes) and that they have lots more hours in the day free than they do August-May. So June and July are lots of fun. We've got two mission trips, a retreat, and lots of fun events (like a lock-out from 8pm-7am and no one sleeps - that's fun, right? right?!) When I look at the calendar for the summer,  it's easy for me to get overwhelmed. It's easy for me to look at all the weekend events, the overnights, the long hours, and ask if it's worth it. 

I mean, is it worth it? 

Yeah. Oh yeah. It's worth it. 

It's worth it because these events, whether it's weekly Bible study or a lock-out are about the Gospel. When we do a scavenger hunt, it's about more than just a scavenger hunt. When we have a shaving cream fight (yes. we're doing that. totally.) it's more than just being crazy. It is about being crazy and fun and letting these kids be kids - that's important in and of itself. But it's more than that. 

It's about Jesus. 

It's about students bringing their friends who don't know Jesus to a church and it's fun and it's not  weird weird, but in a way that isn't about being made to feel guilty, or less than, or that because you don't go to church we don't care about you. It's about students who are with us all year and who we get to spend a little more time with. It's about loving people the way that Jesus loves them - right where they are. It's about letting kids know that they don't have to be perfect. They don't even have to have it even a little bit together. They don't have to be "church kids". It's about kids who love Jesus and want to be closer to Him.

Because Jesus is enough. 

Jesus is enough when your parents are fighting.
Jesus is enough when you cheat in school.
Jesus is enough when you don't know where you stand with your friends.
Jesus is enough when you don't have any friends.
Jesus is enough when you get bad grades. 
Jesus is enough when you're hurting.
Jesus is enough when you realize that you need Him more than anything.

He's enough. 

And that's why we do it. That's why we have long days and weekend events and staying up for 12 hours straight and riding roller coasters when you'd rather not. Because we want to introduce students to Jesus. We want to love them like He does. And we fall short - but He's enough for us too. 

He's enough for me when I'm tired.
He's enough for me when I don't know what to say. 
He's enough for me when I don't know if I'm cut out for this. 
He's enough for me in my brokenness. 
He's enough for me when I'm uncomfortable. 
He's enough for me when I realize that I need Him more than anything.

Jesus is enough.

Brown Butter, Kale Chips, and Jesus

I've been finding a lot of joy in cooking and baking these days. It's fun for me to try out new recipes and techniques, and sometimes the process is just as rewarding as the end product. 

Recently, I made Nutella Stuffed Brown Butter Sea Salt Cookies (I actually didn't add the sea salt because they were so good without it). You guys. These cookies are incredible. Like, SO GOOD. But they are quite time consuming to make and a little frustrating. It's definitely not a oh-I'm-in-the-mood-for-cookies-let-me-whip-something-up type cookie. The whole process probably takes about 3-4 hours (but two of those hours is just letting the dough chill). Anyway, they will blow your mind. One of the ingredients is brown butter, something I'd never made before. You essentially heat and whisk butter over medium heat until it turns a light amber color and gives off a nutty aroma. It is DELICIOUS in these cookies. I think it's rather easy to burn, but I thankfully had success both times I tried. 

There's a little of what the process looks like. If you decide to make the cookies or want to try brown butter, the link I posted to the cookie recipe also has really easy to follow instructions. 

The next thing I tried that I fell in love with was kale chips. I was a little late to the kale bandwagon. I mean, it's super popular recently, but I had no memory of ever having kale and not much interest in trying it. And then my friend Laura made me kale pesto pasta. Oh my gosh, so good. And I kept hearing about kale chips so I figured I'd give them a try - kale is really cheap, by the way, and super nutritious.

Anyway, kale chips are the easiest thing in the world. Just wash and dry your kale (I used two big leaves for this batch), rip it off the big stem and into bite size pieces, put it on a baking sheet, drizzle with olive oil, and season how you like (I used salt, pepper, and garlic powder - duh.), and bake at 350 degrees for 10-15 min until the edges are brown but not burnt. They taste like potato chips. I'm not kidding. I used a little too much oil on my first batch so I'll scale that down next time - I might even try just using my olive oil cooking spray to cut down on the calories. 

Voila! Kale chips!

K, one last thing. Jesus is just good. Really. I know that sounds obvious, especially if you are a believer, but the depth of that truth has been hitting home lately. I've been reading the Gospel of John for a few months now and the way that Jesus loves and who He shows His love to is incredible. He was so counter-cultural, so unconcerned with the stigmas associated with certain people. I'm trying to love like that. I'm trying to give myself away. I'm trying to love the people that make me uncomfortable and the people that are driving me crazy. I'm not doing the best. My selfishness is deep and my pride is ever-constant. But Jesus is better. His grace is enough. It is. I mostly believe that. And the more I live into it, the less my own sin gets in the way and the more He shines through. He's good, you guys.

Peace, 

Emily

The Art of Bread Making

I've recently discovered that it's really easy to bake bread from scratch. And super cheap. And way more delicious that store bought bread. Baking bread is also therapeutic for me. It takes time and patience and a little bit of planning. You get to knead the dough and shape the loaves and then smell the delicious aroma as they bake. Then you get to take them out of the oven, force yourself to wait 10 minutes, and cut a thick slice of hot bread and spread some real butter (or nutella!) on it. Mmm. So good. 

I baked some yesterday. Here's the process and recipe. 

The first step in bread making is letting a packet of yeast and 1 T of sugar sit in 2 1/4 C of warm water for 45 minutes. Like I said, baking bread requires a little bit of pre-thought to make sure you have enough time that day. 

Next, add 3 C flour and 1 T salt to the bowl and beat until smooth. I've only used regular white flour so far but plan to experiment with bread flour and whole wheat soon.

Add up to  2 1/2 more cups of flour to mixture until the dough becomes easy to handle. (I always use the full 5 1/2 cups when all's said and done.)

Then knead the dough until it is soft and pliable, about 5 minutes. (This is my favorite part!)

 

Next put the ball of dough into a greased bowl and cover. Let it rise until it has doubled in size, about 1 1/2 hours. The warmer the room, the better. If I happen to be doing laundry while I'm making bread, I put the bowl on top of the dryer while it's running. 

You know the dough is ready when you press on it and the indentation remains.

Separate the dough into three 5-in in diameter loaves (you can also do long baguettes if you prefer. I never do.) Mix 1 egg with a few T of milk and whisk. Brush the mixture over the eggs (this is where you get your crispy crust! yum!) and then cut 4-5 diagonal slashes across the top of each loaf. I invested in a bread knife after my second batch of bread - SO worth it!

Bake for 25 minutes at 400 degrees. It's important to preheat the oven. Take the loaves out when the crust is golden brown. Your house will smell delicious at this point.

 Ta-da! Bread!

I got this recipe from http://www.landolakes.com/recipe/2371/crusty-french-bread by googling crusty french bread. It's the only recipe I've tried so far. If you have bread recipes you love, send them my way! All in all, the bread takes about 4 hours, but with only about 30-45min of active participation.

1 (1/4-ounce) package active dry yeast

2 1/4 cups warm water (105 to 115°F)

1 tablespoon sugar

5 to 5 1/2 cups bread flour 
or all-purpose flour

1 tablespoon salt

1 egg, slightly beaten

1 tablespoon milk

Dissolve yeast in warm water in large bowl; stir in sugar. Let stand 45 minutes. Stir in 3 cups flour and salt; beat until smooth. Stir in enough remaining flour to make dough easy to handle. 

Turn dough onto lightly floured surface; knead until smooth and elastic (about 5 minutes). Place into greased bowl; turn greased-side up. Cover; let rise in warm place until double in size (about 1 1/2 hours). (Dough is ready if indentation remains when touched.)

Punch down dough; divide into thirds. Shape each third into 15-inch loaf (baguette) or 5-inch round on greased baking sheets. Cover; let rise until double in size (about 30 minutes).

Heat oven to 400°F. Stir together egg and milk in small bowl; brush over top and sides of loaves. Make 5 diagonal slashes across top of each loaf with serrated knife. Bake for 25 to 30 minutes or until golden brown. Remove from baking sheets; cool on wire racks.

On Mothers and Daughters

This weekend I hosted a Mother-Daughter Retreat for our Student Life girls and their moms, with the help of the lovely Dawn Heckert; seriously, I was so thankful for her input!
The close to 30 of us moms and daughters spent about 24 hours at a retreat center, talking some about communication and identity, praying and worshipping, and mostly eating food, playing games, and laughing. It was really fun for me to see the interactions between the daughters and their moms since I don't usually get to see that. It was neat to see the love between each pair (or trio) and watch them have goofy and serious moments together.

Let's Talk About It! Discussion

My own mother was on the retreat as well. She's the best. Srsly. My gratefulness for how she's raised me and loved me is something that's hard to put into words. I'm that person that thinks about either of my parents dying and immediately melts into tears. I love them a lot, obv.

I'm hopeful that when I have kids someday, I will be the kind of mother that my mom was and is to me.

• She is unconditionally loving - I never got mixed messages about that, even when I was being a total brat. 
• She loves Jesus more than anything else. I remember days when I would wake up really early and come downstairs to see my mom sitting on our couch in her bathrobe, cup of coffee in hand, engrossed in the Word. She would say good morning, but then go back to her devotion - that was her time with the Lord, not to be interrupted. 
• She is on my side. My mom (and dad) did a really good job of always being in my corner, of supporting me and equipping me, of believing in my abilities and knowing my limits. 
• Aside from Jesus, she puts her marriage first, even before the kids. I remember throughout my childhood, and even now if I happen to be at their house when my dad gets home, whenever my dad got home from work, the first thing my parents would do would be to go upstairs and talk for 15 or 20 minutes. The kids were left to entertain themselves and my parents would debrief about their days. It seems like a little thing, but it's an example I want to follow. 
• My mom is humble. My mom isn't perfect. Occasionally she would lose her temper with me or my siblings (although I can't imagine why; it's not like we were ever little nightmares) or be in a bad mood and snap at me. But after my mom lost it for a minute, she would usually go upstairs for 5 or 10 minutes and then she would come to us and apologize for how she acted. Now, most of the time, her losing her temper was deserved, and so her apology was like heaping coals on our heads, especially because it was so sincere. But that example has taught me a lot about humility and letting your kids know that you aren't perfect. 

Love you, Mama! 

Peace, 

Emily