Advent

If you know me even a little bit, you know how much I love the Christmas season. I am a fierce believer in waiting to start celebrating the Christmas season until the day after Thanksgiving, but you better believe I start my Christmas countdown in April. A friend asked me in an offhand way this season, why I love Christmas so much, and it made me think. 

Why do I love Christmas? 

I love it for the anticipation. Stringing the lights on the tree and covering it with ornaments, knowing how beautiful it will be when I run outside holding my three year old nephew to look at it through the front window. Finding a perfect gift for someone and thinking about their face when they open it Christmas morning. Knowing that people are trying to find the perfect gift for you and thinking about opening it Christmas morning. 

Waiting for the Christ-child to be born in a stable, this tiny helpless baby that was also the fullness of God. The Word becoming flesh, sacrificing his needs for our salvation.

I love it for the JOY. Little nephews putting ornaments on the advent tree and their eyes lighting up as the days get closer. A whole family under the same roof, playing games and reading together. Shared meals and conversations. CHRISTMAS MUSIC. Decorating cookies and drinking eggnog. Friends gathered around a kitchen table for hours. The twinkling lights all around the city. The smell of a fresh Christmas tree. A fire roaring under handmade stockings.

Imagining Mary making it through a hard and uncertain labor to finally behold this baby that she shouldn't have, but is real and flesh in her arms anyway, tenderly supported by Joseph, who could've abandoned her and didn't. The joy she must've felt, cradling the God-child in her arms. 

I love it for the holiness. There is something so holy, so sacred, about Christmas. I've seen the Christmas story through new eyes this year as my three year old nephew has been processing that little baby Jesus is also God. He's said things like "aww, baby God" when talking about God loving him no matter what. He doesn't get it; he's so confused. And it made me ask myself, Do I really get it? really? Have I become so complacent with the story of Jesus' birth that I have forgotten the mystery and scandal that surrounds it? Am I so arrogant that the thought of God allowing himself to become a human infant no longer amazes me? I was humbled. I was reminded of the mystery, the magic, the holiness. So tonight when I go to church, I am asking God to remind me again in the words of the hymns, in the reading of the Gospel, in the sacredness of communion, that Christmas is not ordinary, it is not trite, it is not about consumerism or spending or even family - it is about the selfless God laying Himself down for selfish humans in order to redeem us. 

These reasons, and so many more, are why I love Christmas. I don't ever want to lose the anticipation, joy, and holiness that make up the Christmas season. I pray that each year God teaches me more about who He is and who that makes me during the Advent season. 

May you experience the peace, love, and hope of Jesus this Christmas and forever. 

Peace, 
Emily

to whom shall we go?

I've been meaning to update the blog for weeks - it's been almost a month since my last post. That's crazy to me. Time is flying by.

When I started this blog a few months ago, it was to document the healthy rhythms I was trying to create in my life. I was doing pretty well for a while. Then summer came. Then I decided to start looking for a new job. Then I found a new job, left my old one, moved, and have basically been sick since the second week that school started. So healthy rhythms feel a little bit like a joke right now. There was one week about two weeks ago I was starting to do pretty well - I went to the gym three times, I was conscious of eating healthy, my room was coming together. Then I got sick again. And I'm still sick. I'm mad at myself for not going to the doctor. I thought about going to urgent care today but I found out my co-pay would be $75 and I'm not shelling out $75 for a cold that won't go away. So I'll be a hermit this weekend and go to the doctor Monday.

Anyway, all that to say, these last few months are not exactly what I hoped they would be. I feel a little bit like I'm just trying to keep my head above the water. I'm also trying to walk in grace. I've been thinking a lot about my relationship with Jesus these past couple of months, and I realized something: For the first time in about 5-7 years, or maybe ever, I don't have external pressure to have a strong relationship with Jesus. In high school, I went to a Christian school, I was very involved in youth group and led worship - my status as a Jesus Follower was probably my main identity. After my freshman year of college, I did summer staff for two summers, and got involved in Ichthus, eventually becoming a life group leader. It was important for me to keep my relationship with Jesus strong so that I could be a good leader and be able to be authentic. After I graduated, I became a youth pastor. If I didn't have a strong relationship with Jesus, I knew I couldn't minister to the kids, or at least it wouldn't be sustainable. But now, there isn't a clear external pressure forcing me to be in relationship with Him. I don't have someone asking me every week what God is teaching me. It's weird. But I think it's good for me. I have to figure out how to let the motivation to stay "connected to the vine" come from my own desire to love and glorify God instead of doing it for the sake of other people or to maintain some sort of image.

I don't really know how I'm doing so far. I don't want to try to measure it at this point. If I was measuring by the number of "quiet times" I've had, I'd be doing very poorly. If I was measuring it by how connected to God I feel, it'd be decent but not great. If I was measuring it by my commitment to not give up, I'd be doing pretty well. I've been thinking a lot about John 6 when Jesus asks the disciples if He wants to leave them and Peter says, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life..." If I had to sum of my relationship with Jesus in one sentence, it would be this. I have a lot of questions and not very many answers. I have doubts. But I also know there isn't another answer. Jesus is the answer, to everything. And so I am resting in His grace, and saying to him when He asks me if I'm giving up, "Jesus, to whom shall I go? You have the words of eternal life..."

Peace,
Emily

Finally.

I finally painted my room. I basically haven't liked the color since my early college years, but I was never home long enough for it to feel worth it to paint it. Then I lived at home for a year, but I kept putting it off and it never happened (can you tell I don't like painting?).

So this weekend I bit the bullet and did it. With prep and waiting for the first coat to dry, I was working for about 8 hours. Whew. BUT SO WORTH IT.

Before:

After: 

Isn't it so much better? It's a grayish purple if you can't tell from the picture. I'll post pictures once I get my room all cute and organized, too.

I'm so ready to be settled. I don't like living in transition.

A Fresh Start

I moved this weekend - well, yesterday. I pretty much packed and moved all in one day because that's the way I roll. I detest moving so I want to do it for the shortest amount of time possible. That resulted in me being grumpy/emotional last night because I was exhausted, and sore today because... I'm out of shape. And I moved a mattress that was really too heavy for me. Get 'er done though, ya know?

Where did I move? Oh, just back in with the parents. I was supposed to move in with a friend, but that didn't work out, so my parents are taking me back in so I won't be homeless. THANKS, GUYS!!

I actually think moving back home is something the Lord is forcing me to do for my own good. This was a rough year for me for a lot of reasons. I learned a lot about myself this year and what kind of environment I need to be in to really be healthy. I essentially lived by myself this year and I found out that that isn't good for me. I isolate myself. Then I become lonely. I think living at home, however long this season ends up being, will really be a time of restoration and healing for my soul. And there's no way in hell that I'm going to be able to isolate myself because not only am I living with my parents, but my brother and sister-in-law are living her as well. So it's a big happy family.

I left this morning for work at 6:15am. And by 6:15am, two people (my mom and brother) had said to me, "Have a good day!" I know that doesn't sound like a big deal, but when I was getting in the car, it just struck me how much I liked that. It's not like I've actively been missing someone wishing me a good day in the morning, but it's one of those things that when you've been without it, and then get it again, you realize how much it means to you. I think this is going to be good for me. God knows what He's doing.

I have my work cut out for me still in the whole unpacking department. And i desperately need to paint my room. I painted my room in high school - 3 walls blue, 1 wall coral. It's not.cute. So I will be painting and unpacking and organizing this weekend.

For now, this is how I'll be living...

Have a great week!
Peace,
Emily

First Week

I just finished my first week in my new job. 

Whew. 

It feels like I've worked at the Y for 2 seconds and 2 months all at the same time. I also have been feeling all week like someone is going to come up to me and be like "Psych!! This was a dream. You still work at Christ Church!" It feels unreal. And really good. And very sad. SO MANY EMOTIONS.

Anyway, I had an all day training on Tuesday that was probably more confusing than helpful, although as the week's gone on more things from the training have made sense. I think this is the type of job that you could have weeks of training, but until you get into it, it's not going to make a lot of sense. It was great to finally get out to my site on Wednesday and have a visual for what it's going to be like. The woman who was the site director last year was super organized for which I am eternally grateful. Organization is NOT my strong point. (Just ask Dean why we switched from a shared table to separate desks after about 6 months.) But since she was so organized, all I have to do is maintain. So there's tons of resources and it's laid out really well. PTLOH. It gives me a lot more freedom to be creative when I don't have to figure out where to put what in the 10 billion cabinets and file cabinets and shelves.

I'll have two more days to prepare, and then Wednesday the kiddos come. I cannot wait. I am so excited to get started and build relationships and make mistakes and figure out what works. I am excited to practice my spanish with non-english speaking parents. I'm excited to get to know these kids' personalities and strengths and quirks. I'm excited for the ridiculous things they'll say and the sacred conversations we'll have. 

I like my supervisor, Jason, a lot. He has so much confidence in me, which has given me a lot more confidence in myself. At moments when I feel like I should be freaking out, his confidence in my ability to do this job well reassures me. I feel like, "OK. He knows what it takes to do this job way better than I do, so if he's not worried about it, I shouldn't be either." It's made this week much more peaceful than I think it would've been otherwise. 

And now I have two days to recharge and relax, and I am planning to take full advantage of them. 

God is so good. His provision and sovereignty in my life amaze me, and I am so thankful for His patient kindness and grace to me. 


Peace, 
Emily

P.S. I think licensing and paperwork probz are going to be my least favorite part of this job. Just sayin'.

A New Adventure

I've sat down a couple of times this past week and tried to write this post. There is so much emotion wrapped up in this story and I am terrible at expressing my emotions. :) But here's the gist of it...

I am called to work with the poor and marginalized. I have known that for as long as I can remember.

I worked at Christ Church for two years and am forever grateful for that time. I learned so much - a lot of which I haven't been able to process yet.

I felt God calling me to pursue the call to work full time with the poor and marginalized. I discerned. Talked to people I trust. Prayed. Cried. And finally listened at the beginning of the summer.

I talked to Dean about it and he was awesome, as usual. So supportive, kind, and selfless.

I found/was offered a job and things happened quickly.

My last day at Christ Church was Sunday, August 6. (Last day on staff, I will still worship there - duh.)

I started my new job today.

I am a Site Supervisor for a Before & After School Program with the YMCA at Fairview Elementary in Olathe, KS. I think it's going to be a blast. The demographics at the school are pretty diverse; I'll get the chance to break out my rusty spanish for sure. :) Around three quarters of the students are "economically disadvantaged". There will probably be around 60 kids in my after school program.

School starts a week from tomorrow and that's when I'll really get to start experiencing this new chapter of my life. This week is preparing. It's funny; I know very little about the details of the job, even after an all day training today, and I'm not freaking out. I don't know if it's because this has been such an emotional two weeks that I don't have the capacity to freak out (haha) or if I'm resting in the fact that it will all work out. That information will be given to me as I need it and that I'm going to kick ass with the program. That's probably it.

I'm sure as time goes on I'll be able to talk more about what my time at Christ Church meant to me and what hopes I have for the future, but for now I've got to stick to the basics.

Peace,
Emily

community

Community is so important.
Duh, right?
We are created to be beings of relationships. friendships. conflicts. all of that.
I feel incredibly lucky to have the community that I do in Kansas City. People that I do life with that love me in spite of my faults and because of Jesus.
I'm not very good at taking pictures in the moment - trying to get better at that - so this is just a tiny glimpse into the fun and good and real of my community.

Grace and Eric had sweet baby Theodore. This is day 1, I think.

The Lauras, Meg, and I had a girl's night. We didn't have a corkscrew to open the bottle of wine so we had to improvise. It totally worked, btw.

This is sweet Daphne Morriss (belongs to Lauren and Michael). She's wonderful.

Baby Theo is too cute to handle. Look at that face!!

Lauren (Daphne's mama) and I have been friends since 7th grade. That's like 13 years, folks. So thankful for her continued friendship.

Every other Sunday (soon to be every Sunday!) a group of us gather for family dinners - dinner, worship, Bible study, and fun. This week Drew made pork chops and homemade mac and cheese - SO GOOD, you guys.

I really love these people a lot. I am so thankful for their love and support in my life.