COVID-19 Diaries - Guest Blogger Shalinn

I hope you'll enjoy this guest blog from my friend Shalinn - I sure did! Shalinn and I are mostly social media friends, but she's one of those people who I'm always excited to see a new post from or interact with. You can find Shalinn on Instagram at @shalinnsilkwood.
If you would like to contribute a guest blog during this crazy COVID-19 pandemic, shoot me a message. OK, I'll be quiet now and turn it over to Shalinn...
All my love,
Emily

We're all in an FFT.

I listened to the first episode of Brené Brown’s new Podcast “Unlocking Us” today, and let me tell you, Amen.  Amen, and did I mention?  Amen.  She put into words what I think a lot of us are thinking.  We’re in a Terrible (edited for children) First Time (TFT), or FFT for those adults that aren’t afraid to curse.  Listen to the podcast to get the full explanation, but basically we’re all feeling vulnerable right now because we’re experiencing something collectively that is a first for us.  And it’s hard, as any new thing is.  And we won’t be instantly good at it.  BUT, good news is it’s temporary, we won’t be bad at it forever, and we need to set realistic expectations for us and everyone that’s involved in this mess with us.

So, let’s do this.  It’s my first time ever attempting to “work from home.”  Right now much of this work has not been paid work, as I am an independent contractor and a Speech-Language Pathologist.  I work mostly with kids with Autism and Down Syndrome, and I also have special training to work with those with feeding disorders.  I love my job and where I do it, but things are going to change.  I’ll be doing teletherapy through Zoom for the next couple of months (likely).  This last week and a half, I’ve been creating materials to have available online, been crash coursing on teletherapy webinars for continuing education, having my first ever Zoom meetings, and learning what works/what doesn’t.  My big victories from last week were successfully changing the firewall on my computer to allow me to screen share my iPad through Zoom, and recognizing my own feelings about working from home.

Me recognizing my feelings is actually a pretty big accomplishment for me.  I’m a One on the Enneagram (one of my favorite things on the planet and has been for over a decade now).  I’m a perfectionist and I also repress my feelings most of the time and don’t even recognize when I’ve been feeling strong feelings until later.  My husband had been working at home even before my clinic closed (like two days before) so he was already set up doing his computer programming thing.  I realized after being home with him though, that I have trouble being quiet all day (side note - we live in a condo with no doors except for the bathrooms).  I really like alone time, but want to be alone and be able to turn on the TV or music, or wash dishes or play/write music, etc.  Being quiet all day (in the event that my husband’s in a meeting) is killing a bit of my soul.  Even though I can do most of these things (with headphones), sometimes I just need it to be loud.  All of you with children are probably wishing for the opposite, and I get it!  Quiet is great too, but what I’m really longing for is the stilling of my soul.  Sometimes for me, that means loud dance parties by myself, sometimes that’s a cup of tea and a book to read.  Finding time for our souls to be still is the tricky thing right now.

So what am I going to do about this?  For me, I’m looking forward to starting teletherapy because I’ll be able to talk to the kids/families I work with - noise!  For me it also means taking advantage of when my husband goes out for a run after work.  I turn on the t.v. and watch Property Brothers or play my piano or join in the 4pm daily dance party from @mkik808 on Instagram (which is flamboyant and fabulous).  For you, it may be something really different. 

My advice to you?  Realize that we’re all in this for the First Time!  It’s messy and hard, and we’re not going to be good at it.  But, it’s temporary, we will get better at it, and we can set realistic expectations for ourselves and have everyone in our quarantined lives set their own expectations.  Say them out loud.  Share them with your spouse, your kids, a roommate, good friend, or your dog!  Have others share their expectations with you.  What is it that you need right now?  What do you need in order to feel, even for a moment, that your soul is still?  Name it, because we’re all in this FFT together!